Posts Tagged ‘friends’

Okay, so one thing I really want from people… is for them to say what they mean and mean what they say. Is that too much to ask? Gheesh. I appreciate a brutally direct person more than one sugar-coating bullshit any day of the week. Now, I realize this goes against my Southern upbringing. I was surrounded by women who were sweet as brown sugar pie to people around them, and then bash them to bits as soon as they were out of earshot. Especially at church. What the hell? Being polite when called for and having basic manners is one thing… but that’s not really what I’m talking about here.

Men do it too. My ex used to commit to plans with friends all of the time, just to blow them off and not follow through. He did this over and over. It pissed me off so much! Why not at least tell me that you have no interest in going to that dinner, to that party, etc.

I know I am all over the place here.

My family, though I love them, have always been that stereotypical Southern family that looks all peachy fine on the outside while there is an astronomical mess about to explode on the inside. But shhhhh, don’t talk about it. Damn sure don’t mention anything to someone outside of the family circle. Hell, be in denial within the family. I have still not figured out how this helps anything or anyone. You know why? Because it doesn’t. How could it? Don’t get me wrong, I love my Southern roots for many reasons. But I have to say that I have had a green eye on occasion for those boisterous Italian or Jewish families who just let it all hang out, speaking their mind and rolling with it. It just seems easier that way. I would rather a person tell me they hate me to my face than tell me they love me only to be lying. 

This entire issue is why I have had few close friends in my life… lack of authenticity. Who is real? Who will turn around and stab you in the back, talk rubbish behind your back, or just use you for their best interest while providing nothing in return? What I call a “one-way friendship.”

I realize that this could be easily divided into two different topics… maybe I will write more later and it will be more focused.

I like real people. I want to know what I am dealing with, and then I can decide if I want you around. ;o)

So, “say what you mean and mean what you say!” If you say you are going to do something, do it. If you say something, mean it!

This concludes my rant for the day. =)


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It always amazes me when people complain about the very personality trait in others that they themselves possess. Do you know people like this? How does someone spew negativity on a daily and sometimes by-the-minute basis, yet proclaim him or herself to be a positive person? Well, it seems to be more common than ever. When I began writing this, I was annoyed with seeing so many whiny, complaining, “Oh, woe is me” spouts on Facebook. Instead of ranting about that, I’m going to talk about the flipside. Is it possible for that same lack of self-recognition to work in the reverse manner? Well, I have learned the answer to the latter.

The way we see ourselves is not always how others perceive us. I think we all know this regarding certain characteristics. Although… what comes to mind is physical attributes. I know beautiful swans who truly see themselves as ugly ducklings… and I certainly know of many obnoxious material girls who think so highly of themselves, they tarnish whatever shine they may otherwise project.

But, how many of us are likely to describe our own personality traits the same way another person would depict us? I have known others who felt differently on the inside than what they felt comfortable putting out there… waiting to get to know someone before revealing their “full personality”. That was me when I was younger. I was often referred to as shy, and in high school I was called stuck-up a time or two. I was later told that it had been assumed that I thought I was too good to talk to certain people… when the truth is I was an introvert around people I didn’t really know.

Recently I had a realization that I needed another mirror-check. Well, not so much needed as it was nice to see. I am a confident, outspoken person who loves getting to know new people. While I accurately recognize these things about myself, and admit that all of this has changed since I was younger, I was still surprised when I recently heard adjectives to describe me.

A few months ago I met a friend of a friend. This woman is very nice, a sweet personality. I would also call her mild-mannered. We had been around one another for a couple of days when she said to me: “You have the bubbliest personality of anyone I’ve ever met!” I was taken aback. I mean it briefly stunned me a bit to be honest. My boyfriend was part of the group and heard her comment… and he did not protest or crack a joke. And, he really knows me!

If I were to break myself down into a list of adjectives, I would include the word “friendly”… but “bubbly” is on a vastly different level. There are two things here… first of all, the word bubbly has often implied that a gal may be a smidgen of an air-head. I don’t want to be thought of as an air-head! The second thing is that it was meant as a compliment, and I realized that I no longer hold back what I feel on the inside. She added that I am “full of life” and that sounds like a good thing to me! I asked my boyfriend if he thinks that I am “full of life”… he said, “Yes, that would actually be a good way to describe you.” Hmph.

Three days later, I was chatting with a lady who has known me for years, but has only known me fairly well in the past year. She said to me that I am always bubbly and have an effervescent personality. There was that word again! Then, a light bulb went off in my bubbly head… this is me! I am happy. This is what it is like to be so happy that people know it without you telling them… in fact, old friends have asked me what has changed because they have noticed “something different.”

I went through a lot of dark times during my childhood and younger years, bad marriage and all that, but I am ready to take ownership of the person I’ve become. I still have worries and challenges of course, but am refreshed to have evolved past allowing them to consume me and represent me. I focus on the positive without even thinking about it these days. When I hear someone spouting negativity, it jumps out at me like a bat hitting me over the head. What I mean is, I no longer feed into it and join in on the griping or agree with the person just to be agreeable. It jumps out as an avenue I do not want to go down… and usually tells me that I will not enjoy spending much time with that person. Life is too short to allow others to drag you down. Now I admit that I have a very sarcastic sense of humor. Sarcasm does not = negativity, necessarily. I guess one can be of a sarcastic and bubbly sort!

I will no longer think of me as a watered-down version of myself. Looking back, it was a journey to get here. I am happy, downright bubbly, and I own it!

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